silent gdbyes

To eblk yahoo group:

Hi Guys,

I couldnt resist writing this mail even tho I have paper tmlo 9am. It is a time of silent goodbyes, where everyone is done with their papers and start packing up back home. This is also the time where suddenly you start to miss your neighbours, the hall food, the air, the beds, even the shower cubicles.

Its time to say a gd farewell to our fella eguanas, some unfortunately unable to stay and also to our beloved Austin, an exchange dude all the way from the USA. Throughout my few years here, i have to admit Austin is one of the rare few that is so attached to us as a fella eguana. Thank you for bringing joy to our lives with the american accent, those excellent krx performances and by being just plain innocently cute.

Nevertheless, on behalf of the E blk seniors, I do hope all of you enjoyed your stay here, to those individuals leaving us for whatever reasons, we wished you all the best in your future endeavours and remember, once an eguana, always an eguana, especially so after drinking the uniquely Eguana Juice.You are always welcome back in Eblk. Indeed, there were ups and downs in hall life, some forced-to-go activities, sports vs culture mentality, and so on. Take all these with a pinch of salt, afterall, we are here seeking for education and longlife friends. Open your hearts and feel it, it would make your journey in NUS more fulfulling.

This mail can go on and on. But i will just mentioned a few individuals:

Raymond
Thank you once again for setting up such a perfect role model for us (yr3s). Even tho you do not seems to be always ard, the lesson and impression you left us was beyond words. You taught us how to take pride representing KR - in Flag Day, which i am so proud that it brought us the Best blk collection this yr.

Charlie
Fellow 6th Fl buddy. He was the one who came up with our Eblk song. He orchestrate command for our Final yrs last yr and was the MC for KR and SH interaction for the past yrs too. Also, he was such a influential snr during past fwocs with his spectecular cheers.. all these are the fond memories that will be kept within us. Thank you

Yunjin & Jyh Haur
Raggers who made selfless contributions to the hall. Quiet but effective workers. Thank you for having faith with us and share the joys of staying in E blk.

Austin
Action speaks louder than words. Your presence is felt in Eblk. Thank you. We will miss you for sure!

Blk comm 0506
A big thank you to Ron, dinah, derek, pear and janice. It is definitely not easy being part of this team, to handle 101residents, to take care of blk admin issues, to face music from hall admin and be extra cheerful infront of all of us. Give them a pat on their backs, they deserve it. Gd job Ron & Gang! The day to shine once again is during FWOC 06. So hang in there guys.

Looking at the 3rd fl gers is as if deja vu once again as if during my yr1, even the current level2 guys behave in similiar fashion as 2yrs ago. I am very assured to see a growing affectionate lot of Eguanas now. It would only get better. Thank you Eguanas.

FYI: Austin is leaving for his holiday tmlo, early noon, will be back on the 12th Apr - 22 Apr 2006. After which, he would be leaving back home to USA. So pple, give him a gd farewell hug k?

Ok, all the best my dear eguanas. Next yr is gonna be another exciting year.

love
qingyou


For the rest:

Effreisone Fwocers 04/05
I dont know why, but i feel you guys are the bunch that made me who i am. the 3 months or so that we shared together was incredible, a crash-course of teamwork, humanity, pride and loyalty. thank you for every single second spend together, we know we are ourselves that we are the best fwocers in our own ways thus far. haha. for all the pain, sorrow, pride and joy we shared together, i saluate you all. for those graduating, all the best in your future endeavours, come back for fwoc next yr k! thank you! (Effreisone fwoers: Zhengqian, kaiyang, cherlyn, ken, b.ser, zhongming, dora, gallen, shuying, prabs, s.ser, sweeyong, kelvin chua (mentor) )


Other fyfs
Ranjan in particular, tks for those inspirational moments and chitchats during our drinking session. yanyan - inspirational female hball captain. celia - inspirational dancer. martin & basu - fella blkheads, its never easy without you guys.

Goodbye.

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cliffhanger

yay, after so long, finally have some time for myself. having paper on sat, then next fri. had a gd steam bath at kent ridge guild hse yest with huan n ken. then after that went for a run with ken again, i feel gd and healthy again, i think soon my abs would be obvious (since army).

okie, my operation is confirmed on the 9th may 2006. so working back and forth with the timeline, these are the time i'm left.

5th may : nus official last paper. so is mine
6th may: meeting with old marists buddies @ cafe cartel then MI3 atPS
7th may: family outing
8th may: fasting day, mandatory to do so before operation
9th may: d-day, see u at ttsh
6wks after d-day: at home, recuperating and doing physio @ ttsh
after that: back in hall for dnd / flag / fwoc / rag dance? / ftc?

very sayang, this yr no more blk trip for me. for the past 2 yrs, i took great pride in organizing one, it gives me immense satisfaction to see at the end of the trip, all the eguanas went enjoyed themselves. even more fulfilling are when the alumnis tagged along.

during yr1, we went to redang - together with all the golden gers (mavis, xinyi, siling, yuwei, becky), kelvin chua, boon, shyangzheng, por & more. it was amazing, for yr2, we went to perhentian, neigbouring island of redang, equally fun, that time with more newbies joining us, the 4th fl short wing, the silver gers, wilson, xiaoyun, wl, por again. vince, chin & huan, nikki. once again, it was brilliant. i still have the pictures to attest to that!

somehow i realised such oppprtunities jus slipped past easily. no more thailand trip for me, no more blk trip, potentially no more ibg / ihg for me, same for rag dance etc. so the bottomline is DO NOW, dun bloody wait.

for that i thanked kaiyang & huan (vp n p for 24th jcrc respectively) for pushing the idea of runing for fwoc in my head then. it was then it started the emotional die-for-kr thingy, which i feel is best displayed in all the fyfs (final yr friends) in kr. not gg too much in details abt hall issues again.

'time will tell' haha. this statement is appearing on my msn msg more than anything else. maybe time will tell, maybe not. the feeling of waiting is odd, one-way traffic is demotivating, non communication is dampening.

i am a cliffhanger, still in the midst of deciding loads of issues. sometimes a hand might jus solve everything.

but i will go on till my energy expire.

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yr1

this is the post ibg pic where we were crowned ibg champions 8times in 10years in 03/04. collage done by november.

wonderful. those were the days.

time really flies. it seems like yesterday that im still a freshie. now, im old, going to fyf (final yr frends) stage in a few mths time.

responsibility to take care of the hatchlings once again.

im loving it

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sunshine

after the whole command saga, post accident afterthoughts and post out-of-course issue, these set me thinking again.

family.
genuine undeniable true love. actually i tot the best reason to strive for academic excellence, ie, gd qualifications, gd job prospect etc leads to financial independance, and of coz able to sustain and support my family. esp my parents. they gave up so much for us. give me more reasons to be financial capable and care for them till i die. of coz, my new family too if i get married.

friendship.
so many of them. so many of them come and go. do i have time for every single one of them. dun think so. how wld i noe the ones im spending time with are worth keepsake and friends for life? i dun. im taking a risk here. time will tell, sounds so familiar. somehw i dun like dat statement.

courtship.
these individuals made a difference in my life. and of coz taught me a thing or 2 during those time spend together. indeed, people will indulge in their own comfort zone over time and tend to assume the ease of doing things. i re-evaluate myself, more so in this hermit solitary lifestyle. ya, im convinced with myself, im nt a player. i dun go in to a relationship over physical appeal, lesser for $ and fame. though there are some distractions here and there, i believed my bondaries are never crossed. thanks to all path crossers, i've moved on.

i found a simple story that reflects so vividly of life now.

"boy likes ger,

ger likes boy.

boy did wrong,

ger gt angry.

boy learnt lesson,

ger accept apology.

and they live happily ever after."

making mistakes are inherent for u and me. more crucial is able to learn n improve. thanks for opening up. the game of trust and faith is so hard to play, with slight practise and encouragement, it shd do the trick.

communicate pple, thats only way we can see sunshine. hopefully rainbow as well.

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seamless

a gd 28hrs after the accident, finally more assured, comfortable before sharing whats gg on.

it was at the hospital, while waiting for bro with the xray procedures then i realised everything happened for a reason, somehow.

here goes.

woke up at 11am plus, surprisingly mum called and we sorta arranged to have lunch together at xo meefen (ginza), totally unplanned. so we met up, had our fill and just as we are settling our bills, my fone rang. it was frm dad, abit puzzling coz 2mins ago dad called to talk to mum regarding what food to packet for him. so, he broke the news to me,"huan met with accident" holding back his tears, tho in vain, instructed me to keep the news frm mum.

i was stunned. trying to hold back the amazement, and at the same time trying to act calm, and trying to tp food for jin n mud. for a while, i was lost, dunno hw best to carry on from ginza back hall, i am trying to come up with a story to go back home to fetch dad, without losing my sense. hmm, think mum sensed smthing amiss, but i tried my best to feign along.

so i reached hall, drop food to mud, mind was full of things on hw to break the news to mum. as soon as im reached my own rm to grab the essentials, dad called again, this time telling me to hold back, not to head back home, go NUH instead, coz the ambulance wld head there instead.. ok, i went down, sat down at driver's seat, and told mum what happened, she flustered instantly, i cldnt hold back my tears. even tho dad told me huan is safe with only minor chest pains, the kind of feeling of loss is unbearable. so i told myself to keep calm again, driving safely thru pgp towards NUH. mum was totally clueless on hw to go nuh, and jus mentioned that if i am nt there, she wld be lost on hw to reach nuh.

we arrived nuh A&E earlier than the ambulance. mum was panicky, as soon as the ambulance reached, mum had all eyes at the door. tears start flowing when she saw huan walking out safely, motioning to her hes fine. i hugged mum, she kept saying, "你们不要吓妈妈。。 " for that moment, i felt relieved coz kor looks fine, sane and alive. thank god.

the day continued with all the adminstration procedures. xray, prescription etc. all is fine.

___

the seamless arrangements that bewildered me:
1. the unplanned lunch arrangement at xo
2. the exact timing dad called when we are done with our meal
3. the 2nd call from dad to head to nuh instead
4. i am ard to drive mum to nuh instead of her doing it alone
5. we waited less than 3mins before the ambulance arrived

like wat bro said, saf would be proud of the perfect execution of timing.

tks to those who cared, esp mud who called, 6th flers who sms-ed and the rest who msn etc.

i cldnt agree more with wat huan said in that last para of dat entry. live life with no regrets. yes i know, i am a fighter too, a yeoh fighter.

i am thankful for the close knitted family i have.
i am blessed with 2 inspirational brothers.
i am happy for huan n bid.
i am glad i am not rich, nt to be blinded by materials obsession.
i am ready for a new chapter of my life.
i am silly to squander a chance.
i am resolute to be a better man.

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squander

i always tot i had a leveled clear mind to sort out issues. but this time it proved i've more to learn.

i cant believe i squandered a chance. in sniper terms, it was a sitter, well within killing distance, but i actually pre-squeeze the trigger, resulting in a major misfire. i could be well charged for that offence during the army days. 'bloody cock, i rem my sergearnt giving me a boot on my helmet when i was a recruit, yes i misfired before.. " and i have to do it again.

this issue bloody kick me out of my realms of thoughts. i am no god. if i am one, i am the god of ignorance. argh. i also didnt realised the amount of priviledges i was having, our csm actually gave me more leeway than to other recruits, i didnt appreciate that and i mistook the goodwill and abused it.

needless to say, i am kicked out-of-course by the csm. its so true that u only start the cherish the gd times when u are entitled to none. the canteen breaks, the movie fiesta, the finger sparring, ideals debating, even the speak gd english campaign suddenly becomes so sorely missed.

right now i am aware i shd be focusing on my studies, i will, else how to be a future building tycoon (fbt). ;) i am, with some hiccups here n there, but i will get there. seriously, after this saga, i am totally respectful of this person, my company sergeant major. as the other recruits had mentioned, this person is beyond simple, a babyface disciplinarian with sharp instincts.

i will be waiting for the next course to open, for this time i will make sure i fulfill all the prerequisites - being discipline, well-behaved, sensitive and no itchy fingers. definitely no more misfiring. i wonder if the the csm would be the same, or already biased to see my stained records. or maybe a new csm eventually?

i will prove my worth. slowly but surely.

im jus done with reading da vinci's code, simply captivating, im waiting for the movie to arrive, any takers? should i just invite my army friends? or just the csm? hmm.

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discipline

command
long time since i last blogged. too preoccupied with stuff going on, primarily studies. time flies, the last of acad yr hall activities has ended, and ended off with a blast, the command 06. much has been blogged, said, cried, teared abt that phenomenal event, tks to rj for orchestrating and piecing everything together. and of coz to all the rest of the FYFs that made the performance incredible.

how did they managed to come out with such an amazing feat? simple, its all abt discipline. making sure everyone comes on time, diligently practise their dance steps, also those challenging routines for cheerleading. if nt for discipline in every kent ridgean, the performance preparation would take way longer than expected and of coz wldnt be such a bombastic feat.

studies
how many deans lister u noe are NOT discipline, not alot. many of them are timely robots. following close knitted time tables for their revisions and conscious effort and consultation and clarification. this ties in greatly with discipline again. if not for that, they will end up like u and me, just a par performer in the academic ladder. it also takes alot of self motivation to complete our part of work due dillgently, like project work, group assignment. no 1 likes to work with someone who's ill-discipline, always unable to complete one's job.

interpersonal relationships
it takes hell lot of discipline to nuture and groom a relationship to one u would regard as close. the effort to call, sms them, to catch up with their updates, to become genuinely interested abt their lives. this i felt i am lacking the most. in abt keeping expectations of one and another, i felt i've loads to work on too. i assumed too much stuff. i cover the grey areas with my own perception, which is gravely wrong. i lacked the discipline to maintain standards, sometimes double standards, which is fundamentally wrong. hmm.. 'its all in the mind', how true. no matter what, im gonna realign my actions with my new ideals of life.. be a sensitive and responsible young man. think with the upper head, i am not willing to forgo an amazing counterpart.

the root of the problem lies with the mind. i can, i must and i will control my mind.

time to mug

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teachings

command is just round the corner, wanted to do some stunt to say a thank you speech for all the final years, potentially risking annoying master and jeopardizing our command next yr. heh, so where else can we have a better ave to voice out our heartfelt feelings? the blogoshere. i can already imagine myself crying on that faithful command night.

for the fyfs. (final yr f*****) - excerpt frm chin

you guys taught us how to cheer, during fwoc
you guys taught us how to make costume, during dnd
you guys taught us how to cry, during rag
you guys taught us how to beg, during flag
you guys taught us how to fight, during ihg
you guys shown us how to dance, during dance night
you guys taught us how to drink, during hall bash
you guys taught us how to cook. during supper
you guys taught us how to wake up, during ibg
you guys taught us how to act, during production
you guys taught us how to work, during bizarre
you guys taught us how to multi-task, during formal meetings

you guys taught us
how to love kr, during your stay here.

thank you for my dear friends for leaving such beautiful memories and legacies here.

goodbye is the hardest thing to say. argh.

to seek, strive, excel

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serial killer

yes i noe there are alot of speculations abt things going on. some true, some not. more importantly, it doesnt concern u, does it? heh.

well, i think i've moved on. likewise for xiu. i've no reason to feel awful nor painful when i learnt abt the things she progressed till. it jus gave me more reasons to flush out the past n start a life. enough of the misfortune. life operates in a cyclical fashion, there are ups and downs. lets look at the up things of life.

i've to admit, these 2mths or so had broaden my prespective of things once again. i felt conan when the whole host of cultural events just went past, i wanna be part of the culture scene. this yr i felt particularly left out coz i didnt play for ihg and some of these cultural performances are meant as a tribute for the sportsmen. life is dynamic, we shdnt be too focus on a particular aspect. and i mean we shdnt be lopsided in either kind, be it sports or culture.

sch work. indeed building course provides ample opportunities. but also a stark fact that we are nt engineers, not professional. we can never match the kind of status or prestige. i noe i wanna succeed, i will. just a matter of time and fate. this sem has been a killer, as of now, i've abt 5more projects due, this is actually killing me.

back to affairs of the heart. i felt rejuvenated in recent weeks. nt becoz im attached or dating. but just that im paying more attention to the pple ard me. i enjoy the feeling of liking some1, be able to care for and provide for some1 genuinely, nt with any hidden agendas. then of coz the reciprocation, genuine ones. the sense of touch, the magic of cuddling, the sweet talk, the confessions, the partnership.

to you, i think u r smart & independant. above all, im totally impressed by ur love, passion for your family and friends. the aura around u when u r on centre stage is phenomenal.. ur sincerity with friends can be felt immensely too. u r mature for ur age too, having gone thru some of the complicated issues of life. nevertheless, i enjoy your companionship, tks being such a true friend. time will tell if things are looking healthy. i wanna keep the ball in center court, skewing to either side is bad, and of coz unfair. ;)

if i gonna be a serial killer, i wld want to be a killer for mosquitoes. a hardcore assasin for all these blood thirsting insects (and suckers) in the world.

fking hell, woke up at 3am becoz of mosquitoe bites.. nbcb

nites all

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