squander

i always tot i had a leveled clear mind to sort out issues. but this time it proved i've more to learn.

i cant believe i squandered a chance. in sniper terms, it was a sitter, well within killing distance, but i actually pre-squeeze the trigger, resulting in a major misfire. i could be well charged for that offence during the army days. 'bloody cock, i rem my sergearnt giving me a boot on my helmet when i was a recruit, yes i misfired before.. " and i have to do it again.

this issue bloody kick me out of my realms of thoughts. i am no god. if i am one, i am the god of ignorance. argh. i also didnt realised the amount of priviledges i was having, our csm actually gave me more leeway than to other recruits, i didnt appreciate that and i mistook the goodwill and abused it.

needless to say, i am kicked out-of-course by the csm. its so true that u only start the cherish the gd times when u are entitled to none. the canteen breaks, the movie fiesta, the finger sparring, ideals debating, even the speak gd english campaign suddenly becomes so sorely missed.

right now i am aware i shd be focusing on my studies, i will, else how to be a future building tycoon (fbt). ;) i am, with some hiccups here n there, but i will get there. seriously, after this saga, i am totally respectful of this person, my company sergeant major. as the other recruits had mentioned, this person is beyond simple, a babyface disciplinarian with sharp instincts.

i will be waiting for the next course to open, for this time i will make sure i fulfill all the prerequisites - being discipline, well-behaved, sensitive and no itchy fingers. definitely no more misfiring. i wonder if the the csm would be the same, or already biased to see my stained records. or maybe a new csm eventually?

i will prove my worth. slowly but surely.

im jus done with reading da vinci's code, simply captivating, im waiting for the movie to arrive, any takers? should i just invite my army friends? or just the csm? hmm.

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