jus for U

heh, 1 final post before hitting the borders to vancouver. well, like alot of love novels, when a couple is overseas, alot of things would happen.. like A meet B, B meet C, C likes A, A likes B.. etc etc.. oh well.. i think i also in the same position. even tho i look like a prc, i still gt struck by the love bug a couple of times. or rather the love bug bit me.. nt i go n find kind..

oh well. the temptation is great, but i think i behold my promise with syl dearer. at least i would be proud to say 'ive done it!'.. let me shed some light, theres is this jap ger who is highly interested in me. i dunno y. ha. apparently shes a jap ger born in china, and move straight to jap after birth, so technically its prc by birth, but japan upbringing. shes an avg cute ger, dancing queen. nt the drunk wild kind, but the style dance kind. anyway, she first started talking to me in the 1st cedar spring camp, i didnt even pay attention to her, knowing her name and dats it.. and it was shortly after that i heard rumor saying that a jap ger is interested in me..

slowly and slowly then i realised its her.. and 2 several occassions, she asked me out. once was during halloween to a party and the other time was jus recently that she asked me to abt more details abt my relationship. ha. and she does know dat im attached. dat substantiate the fact that jap gers are bold pple. jus days ago, she confronted me and asked me abt my gf.. asked me for the photo and in a very jealous and hostile way confronted me and said 'i can love u more than ur gf' .. and the million dollar qn was she asked me to be her boyfriend during the short stay.

i was stunned, honored at the same time of coz. i rejected her flat outright. becoz right at the moment, my mind was with syl and all the promises we made for each other. i could have easily say yes, shag my brains out for the 3mths out but i chose nt to and disclose this to syl.. (ha, i could have chosen otherwise) and i think betrayal is way too much for any human beings to bear, more so when we are so far apart. cant scream or slap the person face to face. haha.. but more important is the element of integrity and trust.

another key element is jus becoz syl is holding back as much as i am too. i know shes lonely, she gets drunk, she jus wanna haf fun too. but till date i still trust she doesnt do unfaithful stuff, but if she does so, i would be devastated. so to be fair to her, i wanna reciprocate in this possible way, dun wan to make her feel miserable and suspicious all the time. ha, i received mixed opinions on my actions, some saying im dumb, some saying im faithful.. etc etc.. but i think most important is accountability to each other. i hope neither of us did funny stuff behind each other's back.

this bring back to yet another pressing issue for SEP enthusiasts, from my personal experience thus far, i dun believe in LDR (long dist relationship).. it requires way too much energy and discipline to maintain for pple thousand of miles apart. some say tests of relationship etc etc.. i dun buy that.. u dun touch u dun kiss, hw to be as loving, even cyber sex or porn cant sustain for long, i would consider myself n syl a lucky couple, still on a stable stage, for long i hope, we do have our rough times too.. there were times when she wld be mischievous or when i wld be naughty say for a few hrs.. but at least we are still mindful we still have our partners holding on to us. i've made a resolution on thanksgiving this yr, that is if im leaving for any future overseas assignments or job opportunities, either i would be bringing my fiancee/partner together with me, or i would be single before i carry on. leaving ur loved counterpart back home is just too big a burden for me to carry out tasks efficiently, worry this worry that, dun quote me, this is entirely my personal opinion tho. i wldnt wan to live thru that again..

heh, i jus hope the remaining 29 days would be a peaceful one, for what we hold on for each other is coming to a reality soon. i know fridays and wkends are times u let loose and drink and get high or wasted. i acknowledge that form of leisure, fine with me. i jus value u too much to be touched by preying men when u are in an intoxicated stage. or when u are high to make a sensible decision, for i cant be there to protect u against lusting men. all men are bastards, true, but its the women that catalyze the reaction.

so, lets continue to make more 3yrs anniversary together, im sure if we can hold on to our promise, this anniversary would be exceptionally memorable than anything else. u do ur part, i will do mine. dun taint our life story thus far.

love u my dear syl, from bottom of my heart.

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