further deeper

some time had passed since the last showdown talk. i admit i wasnt feeling convinced i was the cause of the breakdown then. probably absence makes the heart fonder, yes, i thought harder, stood out of the circle for some time to see the whole picture and hw it actually progressed, deterioted and eventually terminated.

interestingly, due to my immobility, i started talking to pple on msn with more genuity, truly making conversation.. and start to observe things ard me, esp more on bgrs. i dunno issit me or wat, i noticed a rise of bgr problems during the holis, and similiarly a rise in new couples during exam period.. haha. wonder why.

i saw mud's flmate online, starting chatting with her. the chat i felt was a masterpiece, even tho this new couple are merely yr2s, they exhibit great maturity, esp on building a relationship in hall. i was taken aback, wonder why am i not thinking of that then and as a supposely more mature/experienced person, i should be dealing this issue with more ease. i was wrong. the whole basis worked on trust & faith. salute.

flmate couple number2, saw those lovebirds at YIH. one of them gg for dance practise, the other for ivp track. once again, i truly admire the slow and steady building process. it seems that they are having a rock solid foundation rather than my shot-gun approach. it is transparent wat this pair of lovebirds want from each other, definitely not physical conquest, nor wealth perks, its solely for simple love and companionship. salute.

flmate 3. a budding talented poetic model. a day on while we were having a msn conversation, she asked me this qn, 'are guys usually very physical while dating? ' for a moment, i tot she was referring to me. ha, i was way too suspicious. nevertheless, that qn spurred me to think even harder. on my, even a simple ger could well be offended by normal physical interaction, let alone someone who had been thru ups and downs of bgrs. my my.. perhaps fate, magic or watever, all these individuals happen to be mud's closest pals. somehow these incidents made me realised what a fool i've been, not to mentioned how ungentlemanly i can be regarded by any female.

instead, i was not being ostracized. given to chance to still behave like a normal friend. thank yous and remorseful aint enough i feel. i owe u a heartfelt apology. action speaks louder than words.

everything happened for a reason. i feel stupid that things happen for a wrong reason. look ahead i shall.

true being. being true.

*